Thursday, 23 December 2010

Permanent innuendo

I love a good innuendo. Double the entredre, double the fun, I say. My childish sense of humour loves to turn the most innocent of phrases into a work of smut. In fact, my similarly juvenile friend has ruined the idea of a "chocolate fountain" for me and don't even get me started on the need for a "fiscal stimulus" in these times of austerity.

This childish streak leaves me nervous of clumsy mistakes at the hairdresser and I dread the day I ask for much more than a "cut and blow dry" during an otherwise routine appointment. Imagine my nerves this week then when I took myself to London Village to a salon that advertises the wondrous "permanent blow dry" treatment. I pictured pervs lined up down the street having misread the advert. They'd be in for disappointment, that's for sure, since the only steaminess they were promised during this hour was permitted by the relief of my poor, distressed hair follicles as the kind lady ran her styling instruments over my parched, gasping locks. After some intensive treatment, the lady insisted that she would need to straighten my hair, to ensure that the shaft (*fnar*) remained regimented and proud as the conditioner penetrated (*snigger*) and conditioned the cuticles. Any of the pervs who'd got this far has better bloomin' make sure that they put their hood up on their flasher mac when they leave, or else they may run this risk of their barnets being rendered brambled and bush-like by the slightest whiff of moisture (*gah*) in the air. I left the place with silky, yet sticky, tresses, ready for anything the next 3 months could throw at me.

"WTF does this have to do with running?" I'm sure you're asking. Well, precisely nothing is the accurate answer, especially as I'm not allowed to wash my hair for 3 days, unless I wish to risk looking like Sideshow Bob from now until the forseeable...

Yes, this is the ultimate excuse to miss training. You heard it here first. It had better frikkin' be worth it.


  1. haha I thought I was the only person that laughed at words like 'shaft' 'moist' and 'penetrate' I found a packet of food in the supermarket the other day had 'Soft, moist, Cheesy Balls' written across it... I found it so funny that a passer by actually asked if I was okay... Again nothing to do with running but I thoguht I would share that story with you... Are you looking forward to January 1st ??

  2. I entered myself in an innuendo competition once :-)


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